Monday, 10 November 2014

Writing Sample

WALT:  Entertain

Description: We read the poem “My Remarkable Journey” which inspired us to write our own remarkable journeys about why our homework wasn’t at school today.

I love school (usually). It's Monday the day I HATE school. I go to school half asleep. Where's your homework yells troy Duckworth the meanest teacher ever. 

Ok let me think of an excuse. Ok. I've thought of an excuse. So what happened was trolls raided my house. They looked as gross as Eli oderens feet. They said surrender everything. I smasssssssssshhhhhh the window then I jump out to be greeted by lions.

They chase me around like I'm their escaped prey so I jump over the fence like a kangaroo. I see the crocs in my nabors pool. O no I hear the lions tearing down the fence. One word goes though my head. That word is RUN. I run and run to  Jaidens. I yell help help trolls raided my house and there were lions in my back yard. Boom boom! I yelled the trolls shot my homework and that's the reason why my home isn't here today.  

We decided that a quality piece of writing has the following things. Reflect on whether these things are in your story:
Introduction: It hooks the reader in the first few lines making them want to read more?๐Ÿ‘Œ
Punctuation: Is your writing ready for a reader? Does your punctuation make it easy for them to read?๐Ÿ‘
Short sentences: Do you create suspense by using these in your writing?๐Ÿ‘Œ
Onomatopoeia: Are these in your writing to create impact?๐Ÿ‘Ž
Alliteration: Are these in your writing to create impact?๐Ÿ‘Œ
Similes/Metaphors: Are these in your writing to create impact?๐Ÿ‘

1. What do you think is the best part of your story? The first two lines because they hook the reader

2. What was the hardest part about completing this portfolio sample? Publishshing the writing because  I took me ages.

3.  Next time, what is a goal you can work towards? Publishing it quicker because it took me ages.

Feedback/Feedforward: I love the descriptive words you used. Next time you could work on using thing like onomatopoeia alliteration etc. Josiah

1 comment:

  1. Good reasons for not having your homework Lachlan, I don't know if that teacher would believe you though. Next time I'd like to see you thinking about using paragraphs in your writing and extending your ideas to make your writing longer.