Camp writing

WALT: entertain

Descriptive vocabulary (words that help to SHOW the reader)

• use a range of verbs

• use a variety of adverbs

Language features (phrases that help paint a picture)

• select 2 - 3 similes

• select 2 - 3 metaphors or personification

• choose onomatopoeia to show sounds (crash!)

• select words that start with the same sound (alliteration)

Sentences

• use short sentences to create suspense

Structure

• use 2-5 paragraphs.

"Burma-trail first draft

Now it is as dark as the black tar on the road. We are about to walk the creepy bush path. I am feeling nervous when I see the creepy bush path. We all walk down it. There is a rope that gides you. There are roots all over the track. We get to the far end. Now we have to walk back in buddy's. It is Eli and Me. Second to last. We hear a distant scream of fright. We are ready for a fright. Now it's our turn to do it. I am thinking I can no I can't but I do it.

As Eli and Me walk down the spooky track an adult jumped out and went oooooooooooooo we jumped high as kangaroos. We went on. Another adult tickled me. Another went boo. The most scariest was Bruce he went wahahahahahaha. We finally made it to the end.

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Burma-trail second draft

Now it is as dark as the black tar on the road. We are about to walk the creepy bush path. I am feeling nervous when I see the creepy bush path. We all walk down it. There is a rope that guides you. There are roots all over the track. We get to the far end. Now we have to walk back in buddy's. It is Eli and Me. Second to last. We hear a distant scream of fright. We are ready for a fright. Now it's our turn to do it. I am thinking no I can't I can but I do it.

 The adult trying to scare us are as Eli and Me walk down the spooky track an adult jumped out and went oooooooooooooo we jumped high as kangaroos. We went on. Another adult tickled me. Another went boo. The most scariest was Bruce he went wahahahahahaha. We finally made it to the end. Once we were at the end we heard the last group go wooo then finally we saw Thomas and jaiden. 

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Burma-trail third draft

Now it is as dark as the black tar on the road. We are about to walk the creepy bush path. I am feeling nervous when I see the creepy bush path. We all walk down it. There is a rope that guides you. There are roots all over the track. We get to the far end. Now we have to walk back in buddy's. It is Eli and Me. Second to last. We hear a distant scream of fright. We are ready for a fright. Now it's our turn to do it. I am thinking no I can't I can but I do it.

 The adult trying to scare us are as Eli and Me walk down the spooky track an adult jumped out and went oooooooooooooo we jumped high as kangaroos. We went on. Another adult tickled me. Another went boo. The most scariest was Bruce he went wahahahaha. We finally made it to the end. Once we were at the end we heard the last group go wooh then finally we saw Thomas and Jaiden . All of us were so happy to be at the end. Most kids were laughing and taking about there scares. 

Burma-trail forth draft

 As dark as black tar on the road. We cautiously walk the creepy bush path. Now am feeling my nerves getting bigger every step of the way. We all walk down to the end. There is a rope that guides you. There are roots all over the track. I fall over. We get to the far end. Now we walk back in buddy's. It is Eli and me. Second to last. We hear a distant scream of fright. We are ready, for a fright. Now it's our turn to do it. I am thinking no I can't, I can, and I  do it.

 The adult's were trying to scare us. Eli and me walk down the spooky track. An adult jumped out and went oooooooooooooo. I screamed!!! We went on. Another adult tickled me. Another went boo. The most scariest was Bruce he went wahahahaha. We finally made it to the end. Once we were at the end we heard the last group go wooh. Finally we saw them, Thomas and Jaiden . All of us were so happy to be at the end. Most kids were laughing, taking about there scares.  

I think I have done most of them. I know I used a range of verbs like cautiously.